Tracy describes the out-of-body feeling of not being in control day in and day out. Looking back, would she have played the game differently? Find out now!
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Transcript by James Barber:
"One of the most fascinating things about the show to me, or being in the game of Survivor, is the melting pot of all these personalities that come together. The dynamics of who they are and we all have this common denominator of winning a million dollars. It's the layering, like an onion, at what point is one person going to pull ahead, to dominate or take lead or strategize. We're all doing it but at what point does the peeling of that onion come back, the personality of that person. The layering, everyone who has been picked to be on the show is unique, they all have these dynamic characteristics. They evolve as the show goes along. That's my favorite part to see these personalities just unravel."
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"I noticed myself unraveling and coming to layers I didn't want to expose to people, but I didn't know how much other people did, cause they never saw me on the show as a threat, they saw me as a vote. That was interesting, because I'm quite the opposite. I came from 3/7, out of the gates. 3/7. I never had a chance to prove myself as a threat. That was the hard part for me."
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"I would play the game absolutely if we started tomorrow, I would play the game completely opposite. I would be without fear I'm going to die, without fear I'm going to get dizzy and pass out. You move on, you cut open another coconut, you realize you can swing the machete 52 more times than you think you could've for 10 minutes. You waste so much time not worrying about the frivolous, and you play the game. You play the game because it's Survivor and you're not truly going to die. You're going to hit bottoms and levels you've not hit before, you're gonna get dizzy, you're gonna have to get up slower, but I would have played the game not worrying about how long it's going to take me to get there, but every moment of the journey. That old cliche. That's how I'd play the game differently."
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"I butted heads with Jason from the very beginning, and I'll tell you why I'm bringing this up. Jason was with the island from the moment he hit the island. It wasn't until after I was able to make up with him that I realized how much I butted heads with him. He's 22 and I'm 43. This kid's wallowing in the dirt and is up every day, but it's not so much that he's wallowing in the dirt and up every day but it wasnt' so much he was wallowing in the dirt and swinging and hit the coconut with the machete and pure exhaustion. He became with the island, and that's the biggest controversy I had with him because I envied it. I was so pissed this kid who was 22 years old that hadn't seen what I'd seen around the world was able to jump out and do something I wanted to do so bad. I don't think it was youth, I think it was mindset. Hindsight, he was in a place mentally I thought I was. He told me I wasn't when I got there and that was it blew my mind. I butted heads when he told me to get firewood, get this, get that. All I wanted was to feel the way he felt the whole time with the island."
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"One of the things I prepared for the least was the shift in lack of control, being a builder and having a regimented lifestyle I do have, being able to eat when I want to eat dinner, hey it's quitting time guys, we're getting out of here, we're leaving. Having no control, and having to ask everyone else to concur before you leave was huge. It was huge. No one cares about your money, your smile, the way you look in a swimsuit, the way you talk, your dynamics, no one cares. It's what are you going to bring to give anybody comfort in that moment. That was very very hard. It was harder than I ever prepared for. It was amazing."
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"I knew there would be bugs and rats and insects, but I never thought they'd be attacking my body. You ask yourself, you wanna quit? Then when you're able to go through that you just have to admire the kids who are 22 or 23 years of age who are actually going through the things you thought you could easily, because of your age and knowledge and what you thought you could do. Age and physical agility means nothing in the game of Survivor. It's your mental state and what you brought with you. It's a humming experience inside of you. A lot of times I'd sit on the island and you could feel this humming inside you. You could feel your heart beat. At any given moment you could feel your heart beat. It's like today what are you gonna do to make these people believe in you. First you had to make yourself believe in you. You want all these people to believe in you and you don't even believe in yourself yet. It's getting over that threshold. It was an amazing experience and I'd do it again tomorrow."
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