Ami, the Day After

length: 5:10

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Transcript by LuckyDuck4U:

Ami: "My entire game was different, playing the second time. The first time, I had an alliance I was pretty sure of, pretty confident, felt pretty strong the first game. This game, six days in, my alliance was gone, my confidence was a little beat up and my place in the tribe was completely different that the first time I played the game. I was struggling a little bit more, I didn't feel like I was coming from my heart as much, and it showed. 

My reputation from Vanuatu was being a strong, female, not man hater, but women, woman supporter. And people knew that I was faithful to my alliance but they also knew that I was, I was tough, and coming into this game, that's all they had to go on. They didn't like, really know me, really didn't know who I was. The only person that knew me out there was Eliza. And her being a scared player - it didn't help me a lot in that sense. So, um, I think that they just saw me as the strong 'girls alliance'... girl. 

I definitely wasn't trying to say 'oh, I'm not that person in the past game that you saw.' I AM that person. I think this, this go 'round I was a lot more sensitive, I was a lot more vulnerable. I was a lot more scared. And that really came across to the other players and that's what really hindered me in this game. That's what really hurt me playing the second time around. 

I think the opportunity of just being able to come out here, be in a magical place with people you don't know - experience a microcosm of what life really is and be able to live it out with nothing, and really see how you interact in life with people you wouldn't normally hang out with... like, 'What do you do? How do you act? How do you respond? How do you support each other?' It's so interesting to me. It's so interesting to see how people act under pressure, under boredom, out of circumstances you don't have in a day to day basis.. In a day to day basis you put yourself where you are comfortable. You surround yourself with people you know you are okay with. And in this game there are really no choices other that what cards you are dealt with. And what do you do with those cards - to me that is so interesting. And to be able to do it twice? I feel really blessed that I was even asked to come back a second time. There's no way I would have said no to this opportunity. I see it as an opportunity. 

I think being put on an island with nothing but a machete, a pot, and ten other people, you really are standing there naked going 'This is all I've got. Will you accept me? Will you throw me to the side? Will you, like, work with me? Will you make fun of me?' It really brings you to the gutteral, just bare essentials of who you are. And I really discovered that this time around, I'm, I'm sensitive. This game, I was so much more sensitive than i was the first game. I was so sure, I was so strong. I had an injury in this game. I'm not used to being a weak link in the tribe, being weak in the challenges. I'm used to being a powerhouse. And I can take on any guy, any girl. Like I can carry my own weight and this time I was relying on other people and for me that was a little scary. 

Watching people interact, you become so sensitive to looks people give to each other, to who gets the fish first to who sleeps where in the shelter to who gets to go first to a challenge to who's walking first in line. you become, I become, I BECAME, ultra-sensitive to what was going on around me. And I was so used to being in charge and sure and confident of where i stood in the tribe that this was a completely different place for me to be. I made it more than halfway through. I was feeling good, I had just had a great talk with the girls i was feeling really really good and i looked at ozzy and I knew my time was done . It's like you are hanging onto the edge of a cliff. If I can just get my big toe up there. I can pull myself back up and i'm not gonna fall in the pit. I'm not gonna die. Your toe's getting up there. Your toe's getting up there. And then Ozzy just comesand looks over, puts one foot on there and "eeek" you're gone. That's the best way i can describe it what it felt like. I was gone. "