Kathy, the Day After

length: 5:09

Kathy felt she didn't fit in from day one. But the hardest obstacle for her to overcome was admitting defeat when the game finally got to her.

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Transcript by James Barber:

"I felt like I didn't fit in because from day one everyone seemed like they had their act together. Everyone seemed like they were either young or hot. It was grouped off already. People prejudge you before they ever get to know you, before you speak one word. I'm guilty of prejudging some of the people here too, like some of the younger, hotter girls with the...I'm a little guilty of prejudging them as being I don't want to say fake or phony, but...I just felt judged immediately like maybe I'm this older wacky person who won't fit in because I don't know maybe I'm tall or I look funny or..." 

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"This eperience has changed me tremendously. When I was out there and talked with Ami on Exile Island, she said her first time on Survivor had made her free herself. She purged herself of things that she didn't need things to live, she got rid of things. I looked at Ami and said this has taught me that my whole life I felt like I didn't have things. I grew up poor. I finally have things that make me feel secure and safe and comfortable. This has taught me I'm going to go home and hug my things, I'm gonna scoop all my things close to me. Maybe even get more things and appreciate all my things. If anybody tries to take my things from me I'll chew their arms off, I'll fight them back. I mean it has made me the little family that I have, my husband and my daughter, has made me realize those are the most important things in life. A million dollars? You could have offered 7 million and I wouldn't take it. It's made me realize to me the way I grew up and the way I am that the answer for me in life is my family. My daughter and my husband." 

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"When you live your normal life in your little apartment or house and you have your phone and your bed and your covers or a blanket or a sweater you take all those things for granted that they will keep you warm, keep you safe. A roof over your head. When you're out here, you have nothing. You have the clothes you wear and you don't have a roof. When it rains and you're soaking yet you don't dry for 4 days. The fact of being dry, you don't even have that here. It's something you don't experience back home because when it starts raining you have an umbrella, or you go into a house, or you duck under a doorway. There's none of that out here. You're exposed to the element to the basic...I felt like an animal out there. I felt like a basic...any dignity or sense of security or safety was completely stripped away. It scared the crap out of me." 

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"You think when you come out here you have some basic sense of yourself. Like, 'Bring it on. I can handle and take anything. Bring it on.' It's very hard, I don't want to say shameful, but it's hard to be honest with yourself when it does break you. It broke me hard and it was hard to admit it. It was hard to admit I couldn't do it. I believe with every ounce of my being that I could do it, that I was somehow superhuman or I got this licked. It was very hard to admit it beat me down." 

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"I am in awe of every person who's ever played the game of Survivor. It's not easy. It's the most difficult thing I've ever done. Childbirth, I thought that was tough. Nah. That compared to this was a piece of cake. Piece of cake. I'd rather whip out eight more kids in ten minutes than do this again. That's how much harder Survivor is." 

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"That I made it 19 days to me was phenomenal. I did not realize the day they dropped us off on that island what it was going to be. I had a whole different picture. That I wasn't gone after the first 3 amazes me. That I went 19, that I went half. I'm already saying I kicked some ass for me out there. I'm already looking at it like wow I did 19 days. That's pretty cool for a middle-aged lady."